I began writing The Tributaries after a close friend of mine took his own life.  I had just started my freshman year of film school, and the grief left me feeling emotionally numb and socially withdrawn. I felt detached, as if something had changed within me.  I knew people couldn’t relate to my experience, and I was ok with that; until I wasn’t. That was the moment I created the character of Robbie; someone who feels so isolated, and emotionally detached from her family, and herself.  Later in that first semester, I began to feel flashes of myself breaking through, immersed in my work and meeting new people. There comes a point when you realize, that you are more than your pain, or at least I wanted to be.  I started a journey to find myself again.

 

    After my friend died, I began experiencing anxiety, panic, and depression. I would become lost in my thoughts, feeling as if I was losing control of my sense of reason.  I remember having panic attacks, feeling a sense of dread, my heart pounding, trying to catch my breath.  In these moments, I would write the character of Drew. 

 

    Writing became my therapy, telling my own story, but also the story of others that I had encountered during that traumatic, but crucial  chapter of my life. I chose to tell my truth, raw, from my perspective, through Robbie and Drew. 

 

    I want to show people that healing is possible.  For me, it was one of the most transformative, and introspective explorations of my life thus far. It was in the small moments that I felt the most spiritually alive and in control of my life, feeling as if I was floating.  I remember standing on the shore of Sea Cliff Beach early one morning before class. I stood there, breathing the salty air and feeling the rush of cold water on my skin, and somehow in that very moment, I knew I was going to be ok.  That is the beauty of this film.  There is no crazy twist of fate, or a clear happy ending, but rather a few small intimate moments in which these characters recognize their own strengths, and discover the peace within themselves.

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Kat Gueli

Writer & Director

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